Wash Away
by chastityreso
Summary: The twins let the rain wash away everything that they've become. Ficlet.


**Wash Away**.

_"I stand in the rain so no one knows I'm crying."_

* * *

Closing his eyes, Conner gently tossed his head back, relishing in the refreshing feel that washed over him as he stood outside in the pouring rain. It felt good. It felt _really_ good to wash away the blood from his hands, his clothes, his soul. He wanted to wash everything he felt away. The pain, the sadness, the sorrow. All of it, every last emotion he felt. He wished to feel numb, to feel _nothing_ at all.

Murphy stood in the doorway, sheltered from the rain as he watched his twin with longing eyes. He knew Conner was hurting, hell they both were. They had just lost their closest friend, and there was nothing they could do- nothing they _did_ that may have prevented that. He knew he would find Conner here. He knew that when his brother was in pain he would turn to the rain, in hopes of it washing it all away.

He wanted to comfort him, wanted to run to him- pull Conner into his arms. Hold him, tell him it will all be ok. But Murphy knew if he said that, he would just be lying to himself. It won't be ok. How could it? It would take them a while to get over this hurt. This guilt they felt deep inside only grew with every second.

Conner opened his eyes again, the tears streaming from his face camouflaged by the raindrops. He wanted to be strong for Murphy- the last thing he wanted his twin to see was how soft he had become. But no matter how hard he tried, his defenses crumbled. Before he new it he was on his knees, letting out a pained, angry, and frustrated scream.

Instantly Murphy was by his side, cradling his twin into his arms, his own tears now falling freely. Conner couldn't do it anymore, couldn't hold back all he kept bottled within. The same could be said about his twin even though he was the one consoling the other. Murphy tightened his grip on him, pulling him as close as he could to his body.

Conner held his twins shirt in a death grip, burying his face in Murphy's chest. Every painful emotion inside just flooded out like a dam breaking. All his strength left him as he fell against him. "'M sorry Murph…" Came his strained whisper.

Murphy looked down, confusion crossing his face. He wasn't entirely sure why his brother was apologizing, let alone what it was for. "Conn, what ya talkin' 'bout? What ya sorry for?" He questioned, never tearing his gaze from the man in his embrace.

Conner could only shake his head, words nowhere near easy for him to form. "Just am…" Was all he really could say. But deep down inside Murphy knew exactly why he was apologizing. And it bothered him. It wasn't Conner's fault. No, it was his.

"Conn, it wasn't yer fault, ya know dat." He paused for a little, looking up towards the sky. He began blinking rapidly, attempting to keep the raindrops from his eyes. "It was mine." The words weighed heavy on his conscious. It was his fault, he let Rocco come with them. And this is what happened because he made a poor decision.

"Don say dat, Murph." At those words Conner wrapped his arms around Murphy's torso. He quickly looked down, feeling those arms slink around him, and he couldn't help but feel a warmth spread through his heart. In turn he wrapped his arms around him. It was one thing to suffer the lost of a close friend. But if he had lost his twin, well let's just say he would no longer be complete- the reason for living gone.

Murphy took a long sigh, blinking his tears away. "I love ya, Conner." The words were low but Connor caught them loud and clear. If only he could see the true meaning behind his words. There was finally a hint of a smile on his face as he closed his eyes, pressing closer to Murphy.

He was sure Murphy meant it in a brotherly way. Or so he thought. But as he repeated back those words- "I love ya too, Murph." He meant that in a completely different way. They both meant that in a different way, one barely accepted by society. But that was just something they would both leave for the rain to wash away.

* * *

**Author's note**.

So this would be my first ever Boondock Saints story. Well it's more of a ficlet but story none the less I suppose. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Leave me a review to let me know how it was, yes?

I do apologize if the dialogue seems well odd. I'm not as good as I use to be at writing Irish accents anymore. I need to work on that.


End file.
